Our last car ride as a family of 4!! We are headed to San Diego for Faith Rene's birth!
11/23/2012
The Hospital Meeting
Yesterday Dave and I went to our first Hospital Meeting with Sarah (the director of the Adoption Center) and Faith's birthmama. Although we have adopted twice before this was the first time we actually got to have this meeting. This meeting helps us to all have a game plan for when Faith is born and for us to all be on the same page. Sarah facilitates the entire meeting, asking all the tough questions and allows us to picture the details.
It was an exciting meeting because it started to really get us excited about Faiths arrival in just 6 weeks!! But today I am starting to really understand the loss that is going to occur. You see, I love "N" with all my heart. I am 100% positive that her and would be the closest of friends in another situation. So as excited as I am about Faith, I am losing one of my closest friends. I know that this sounds so odd! Trust me, a few years ago or even months ago I never would have understood this relationship. But I know God has knitted us together in such a unique way that we just get each other. We are so similar in so many ways! I have questioned why would God bring us together only to have us part in just a few short weeks. We are going to have an open adoption, but we both know that we have to set some boundaries in order for her to heal and us to parent Faith.
I can't imagine what life is going to be like not getting to visit with her, text her and just laugh with her. She is hilarious!! We are slowly starting to talk less and I find myself missing her so much. I wholeheartedly know that God has a purpose for us and brought us together for a reason. I know time will tell. What I love about this relationship, other than I have found a beautiful friendship, is that I know her heart. We will get to share with Faith all about how much her mother loved her. We will be able to share little details that we wouldn't have learned if we had a closed adoption. I just think that is an awesome gift that Faith will someday have.
I never could have fathomed that 4 years ago when Dave and I signed up to start the adoption process that we would have experienced what we have experienced. In fact, just a few months ago, I never fathomed that the woman we were matched with would turn out to be one of my dearest friends. God's ways are really so much better than our own.
It was an exciting meeting because it started to really get us excited about Faiths arrival in just 6 weeks!! But today I am starting to really understand the loss that is going to occur. You see, I love "N" with all my heart. I am 100% positive that her and would be the closest of friends in another situation. So as excited as I am about Faith, I am losing one of my closest friends. I know that this sounds so odd! Trust me, a few years ago or even months ago I never would have understood this relationship. But I know God has knitted us together in such a unique way that we just get each other. We are so similar in so many ways! I have questioned why would God bring us together only to have us part in just a few short weeks. We are going to have an open adoption, but we both know that we have to set some boundaries in order for her to heal and us to parent Faith.
I can't imagine what life is going to be like not getting to visit with her, text her and just laugh with her. She is hilarious!! We are slowly starting to talk less and I find myself missing her so much. I wholeheartedly know that God has a purpose for us and brought us together for a reason. I know time will tell. What I love about this relationship, other than I have found a beautiful friendship, is that I know her heart. We will get to share with Faith all about how much her mother loved her. We will be able to share little details that we wouldn't have learned if we had a closed adoption. I just think that is an awesome gift that Faith will someday have.
I never could have fathomed that 4 years ago when Dave and I signed up to start the adoption process that we would have experienced what we have experienced. In fact, just a few months ago, I never fathomed that the woman we were matched with would turn out to be one of my dearest friends. God's ways are really so much better than our own.
Another picture of open adoption
Charlie's birthfamily came over to celebrate her 2nd birthday back in September. It was such a beautiful day and it was all captured by our friend Aimee Bradliegh. She so sweetly came over and stayed for hours just taking pictures of all the kids together and family celebrating Charlie. With all my heart I wish I could share them, but don't want to violate their privacy.
Here is one of my favorite from that day! These little piggies say it all!
Charlie's 2nd birthday with extended family
Yesterday we celebrated Charlie's birthday with her some of her birth family. May seem weird, but it is not for us. For the last two years, Charlie's birthgrandparents have come with Charlie's birth siblings and celebrated Charlie's birthday. We literally have a full blown party with just us and them. Yesterday was an unusually sweet day. I knew we would do cake and ice cream, even open gifts but we also did pictures. Upon their request, they asked if we could have a photographer come and capture the day. We asked our dear friend Aimee if she would be able to do it. I couldn't have asked for more. Anyone else may have been overwhelmed by the entire situation, but not her. This 16 year old superstar jumped right in and was able to capture two families brought together by heartache, only to rally around one another and just love one another. At one point I just watched as one of the pictures was being taken and couldn't believe how sweet life is. I honestly can't wait to see how they turned out. Someday these pictures will be a testament to Charlie of her beautiful love story and how God's plans are so much bigger and better than ours.
Their was one thing I didn't expect yesterday. I don't quitet understand what changed. Maybe I won't for a long time. And only time will tell what God has in store. I am so in love with Charlie's other siblings. We have all been together before on a few occasions. We have always thought they were wonderful and just amazing kids. But this time I whole heartedly love them. We just fit, if that makes sense. In a way, I feel a little responsible for them too. I have no idea why. But God does.
I never saw our lives looking like this. Today I am thankful that God said no so long ago, I would have missed out on all of this.
Their was one thing I didn't expect yesterday. I don't quitet understand what changed. Maybe I won't for a long time. And only time will tell what God has in store. I am so in love with Charlie's other siblings. We have all been together before on a few occasions. We have always thought they were wonderful and just amazing kids. But this time I whole heartedly love them. We just fit, if that makes sense. In a way, I feel a little responsible for them too. I have no idea why. But God does.
I never saw our lives looking like this. Today I am thankful that God said no so long ago, I would have missed out on all of this.
Time to get packing!!
So, we are moving!! But not far! We have been in our home for over 6 years and we have shared many memories. But a few months ago, Dave and I decided to sell our home, simplify our lives and move to where ever his work was. Dave works for a general contractor so he goes where the work is. As Dave's job got closer and closer to complete, their were many possibilities as to where he would go next. Some of the job sites were even out of state. So we wanted to make ourselves available and make the best decision for our family. Dave has commuted long hours before and we didn't want to do it again. We know first hand that this is not what we wanted for our marriage or our kids. This was also a business decision that we strongly believe will be better for our family and has already benefited us tremendously. On top of the fact, that we have gained some great friends...our realtor and broker!!! What a huge unexpected blessing!! So if you ever need a realtor check out http://gardunoreo.com/
Well, as our escrow is closing in a couple of weeks, we learned a recently that Dave is staying where he is at for now. So we decided to still go through with the house selling process and just role with things knowing that God does things for a reason. Although we have loved our home, we are excited to see where this next adventure will take us. We aren't going too far, so we still get to stay close to family and stay at our same church.
I apologize if I haven't been the greatest friend or an absent family member! Dave and I are working hard on getting most of our homestudy done before we actually move so that after the move we can concentrate on our kids and get ready for the arrival of baby Fatih.
Well, as our escrow is closing in a couple of weeks, we learned a recently that Dave is staying where he is at for now. So we decided to still go through with the house selling process and just role with things knowing that God does things for a reason. Although we have loved our home, we are excited to see where this next adventure will take us. We aren't going too far, so we still get to stay close to family and stay at our same church.
I apologize if I haven't been the greatest friend or an absent family member! Dave and I are working hard on getting most of our homestudy done before we actually move so that after the move we can concentrate on our kids and get ready for the arrival of baby Fatih.
The Puzzle Fundraiser is Complete!!!
Just wanted to thank you all for participating in this fundraiser with us!! Whether you donated, prayed, babysat, or encouraged us, we are just so thankful for your hearts and support!! We just can't believe God's timing and how perfect it is! This week we finished the puzzle and we were also officially matched!! God had it perfectly choreographed! WE truly just can't thank you enough!! Our hearts are just over flowing with gratitude!!
Here are a couple of pictures of the finished puzzle...
Here are a couple of pictures of the finished puzzle...
We kept it blurry on purpose.:)
We can't wait to get it framed!!
"Are you sure you should tell everyone you are matched?"
So, why did we choose to announce we are matched this time an not the others? Well, the difference this time is.... nothing. I think when you are adopting you are not supposed to proclaim you are matched or adopting because nothing is for certain. Nothing is in writing. She could change her mind. He could change his mind. The whole thing could fall through. But Dave and I don't care. After all, nothing in life is for sure. I could be pregnant and lose a child at any stage in the pregnancy. We can't be afraid in life of the "what ifs". Like I have said before, a baby or child is strictly a God thing and nothing more. Nothing we do or say can change the future, it is strictly about God's will. Our job is just to trust in Him and Him alone.
So this time, we want to proclaim we are waiting. We have four months before our precious little mama is born. We have four months to establish a relationship with one of the most incredible woman we have ever met. To learn her heart, to learn her desires for her baby, and know what her wishes and dreams are for her daughter. To learn how God wants to change us before she is born. To see how God wants to stretch us into His image while we wait.
We look forward to sharing this process with you. The entire process, not just the pretty parts. :)
So this time, we want to proclaim we are waiting. We have four months before our precious little mama is born. We have four months to establish a relationship with one of the most incredible woman we have ever met. To learn her heart, to learn her desires for her baby, and know what her wishes and dreams are for her daughter. To learn how God wants to change us before she is born. To see how God wants to stretch us into His image while we wait.
We look forward to sharing this process with you. The entire process, not just the pretty parts. :)
God is good!! - 1 Samuel 1:27
I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him.
Although nothing is for certain, we don't care! We are just going to be excited!!
So Thankful!
I just continue to be blown away by friends and family who have just blessed us during this adoption fundraiser and this process. I will be honest, I never thought we would ever get half way through it but I figured we should just shoot big and see what God does. Well I am happy to announce that over the last week we have continued to see God move. We are now at a total of 701 pieces of puzzles purchased!! Which means that we have raised $3505.00!!! Which means, we only have 299 more pieces left before this entire thing is complete!! Oh me of little faith! I am beyond humbled by God's provision, your willing hearts and generosity.
Thank you for being a part of this with us!! We look forward to the day we can show you a completed puzzle and most importantly share with you our newest child, whoever they may be. I am thrilled to have you all a part of it! Thank you!
If you were still interested in purchasing a piece of the puzzle, you may do so at the link below or send me a message and I will be happy to give you our address.
https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_donations&business=ashlynnherren%40yahoo%2ecom&lc=US&item_name=Adoption%20Fund¤cy_code=USD&bn=PP%2dDonationsBF%3abtn_donateCC_LG%2egif%3aNonHosted
Thank you for being a part of this with us!! We look forward to the day we can show you a completed puzzle and most importantly share with you our newest child, whoever they may be. I am thrilled to have you all a part of it! Thank you!
If you were still interested in purchasing a piece of the puzzle, you may do so at the link below or send me a message and I will be happy to give you our address.
https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_donations&business=ashlynnherren%40yahoo%2ecom&lc=US&item_name=Adoption%20Fund¤cy_code=USD&bn=PP%2dDonationsBF%3abtn_donateCC_LG%2egif%3aNonHosted
A Lesson in Fundraising
In many ways I have tried to be open about our adoption processes. I have shared many close and personal things, in hopes that I may share the adoption journey with you. In hopes that your heart may be evoked to not necessarily adopt, but to respect it and support it in some way. Last night Dave and I attend a support group with Adoption Center of San Diego and we met a couple, Pat and Ashley. They reminded us of us years back, when we were first started out. But after talking to Ashley all day and sharing with her, I am so touched and a little envious! I love this couple. They are now waiting to adopt their first baby. Now if I were a birthmother, I would pick them in a heart beat! To put it simply, they are amazing!! I love their fearlessness as they appraoch this adoption and I love how they are wholeheartedly commited. I think it is a must in adoption!
As a side note, Ashley was the one who shared the adoption fundraiser puzzle with us. She was the one who gave me the idea for this particular fundraiser, when I had been praying about how to fund raise for this particular adoption. To put it bluntly, adoption is expensive! But God has always provided. This time, I have felt God leading us to work towards gaining funds before we are placed rather than after. I will be honest, I have woken up numerous nights questioning this fundraiser, wondering if we should be doing it. Wondering if it is the right thing to do. Wondering what people think.Wondering if I should just quit while we are ahead. After all no one would care if we finished it all. But I am going to share what God is teaching Dave and I through this simple fundraiser.
Humility!!
God is teaching us humility. To learn to ask for help when needed and hardest of all, just saying thank you, when help is received. those of you who have helped us throughout this process and the past adoption processes, we can't begin to repay you. I really wish we could. So I am learning to just say thank you with our whole heart knowing their is nothing we can do to repay you.
Every time I have wanted to quit or just forget about the puzzle, I am sent a beautiful message of encouragement, a donation I never expected or just some random gift. I realize that is God's way of using you to speak to us. To teach us. So I want to thank you! for being a vessel to support us in this next adoption but also to provide us life lessons that God so wants us to learn. we have so much to learn from your hearts and your generosity, so we thank you. W thank you that we will be able to share this heartfelt gratitude with our children someday.
As a side note, Ashley was the one who shared the adoption fundraiser puzzle with us. She was the one who gave me the idea for this particular fundraiser, when I had been praying about how to fund raise for this particular adoption. To put it bluntly, adoption is expensive! But God has always provided. This time, I have felt God leading us to work towards gaining funds before we are placed rather than after. I will be honest, I have woken up numerous nights questioning this fundraiser, wondering if we should be doing it. Wondering if it is the right thing to do. Wondering what people think.Wondering if I should just quit while we are ahead. After all no one would care if we finished it all. But I am going to share what God is teaching Dave and I through this simple fundraiser.
Humility!!
God is teaching us humility. To learn to ask for help when needed and hardest of all, just saying thank you, when help is received. those of you who have helped us throughout this process and the past adoption processes, we can't begin to repay you. I really wish we could. So I am learning to just say thank you with our whole heart knowing their is nothing we can do to repay you.
Every time I have wanted to quit or just forget about the puzzle, I am sent a beautiful message of encouragement, a donation I never expected or just some random gift. I realize that is God's way of using you to speak to us. To teach us. So I want to thank you! for being a vessel to support us in this next adoption but also to provide us life lessons that God so wants us to learn. we have so much to learn from your hearts and your generosity, so we thank you. W thank you that we will be able to share this heartfelt gratitude with our children someday.
Adoption Puzzle Fundraiser Update
We have been so thankful for all of your participation of putting together this puzzle to help us through our next adoption process!! Wow! Your sweet words of encouragment and generous hearts have really overwhelmed us! It has been so fun putting this puzzle together and adding each name on it as you purchase your piece. So thank you again! Here is an update!!
If you still would like to be a part of this puzzle fundraiser and get your family's name included on a piece or two, you still have time! You can use the paypal link or send me a private message for info. Here are a few pictures to show you our progress. We put a little more of the puzzle together as we receive donations. The hard part is not the puzzle, it is keeping Charlie and Kyler away from it. :) Thank you again for being a part of this journey with us!!
https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_donations&business=ashlynnherren%40yahoo%2ecom&lc=US&item_name=Adoption%20Fund¤cy_code=USD&bn=PP%2dDonationsBF%3abtn_donateCC_LG%2egif%3aNonHosted
- The puzzle totals 1000 pieces
- Each puzzle piece is a $5.00 donation
- We have had a total of 132 pieces purchased with names on it
- Which leaves us with 868 more pieces to go!!
If you still would like to be a part of this puzzle fundraiser and get your family's name included on a piece or two, you still have time! You can use the paypal link or send me a private message for info. Here are a few pictures to show you our progress. We put a little more of the puzzle together as we receive donations. The hard part is not the puzzle, it is keeping Charlie and Kyler away from it. :) Thank you again for being a part of this journey with us!!
Our Adoption Fundraiser Puzzle Finally Arrived Today!
I was so excited today when our puzzle for the adoption fundraiser arrived. We are going to be busy this weekend!! As of early today, we have officially have 80 pieces purchased! What that means is, we have 80 pieces with names on them that have helped with this adoption journey. I know we have a lot more to go, being that this is a 1000 piece puzzle, but what I can tell you is that God has been amazing! Dave and I have been overwhelmed by so many of your hearts, kind words, encouragement and donations. Wow! It literally takes my breath away when I look at my list of different names and think about how our children will be able to see how many people participated in their adoption story. It just blesses us immensely! Thank you just doesn't do it justice! I am hoping by Sunday I can show you a picture of all the pieces with the names on them. :)
If you want to see what this fundraiser is all about, you can check my previous post regarding our adoption fundraiser.
Have a wonderful weekend everyone!
Adoption Puzzle Fundraiser
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| Will you be a "piece" of the puzzle? |
So here it is, our first and most likely, only fundraiser....Dave and I have purchased a 1000 piece puzzle that is going to be placed in a double-sided frame that we will place next to all three of our children's room. Basically, you can donate $5.00 a puzzle piece that will go towards our adoption. When you purchase a puzzle piece we are going to place you or your family's name on it. If all pieces are accounted for, we will be able to raise $5,000.00 towards our goal of $20,000!! When the puzzle is complete, our children will be able to see who took a part in bringing them home. They will get to see how their adoption story is part of one big love story. If you would like a "piece" of this puzzle you can find the donation link below or leave a comment with your email or phone number and I can message you our address. Please DO NOT feel obligated, this is strictly if you so desire. I intend to post occasional updates as we receive pieces. When the puzzle is complete, I will post a picture of the final product! We can't wait to see it finished! I can't imagine how cool it will be for our kids to get to see how so many different people took part of their little lives. Feel free to send this information to a friend if you believe they would enjoy participating, but don't read blogs or Facebook.
Above all else, we just want to thank you all for always being such a tremendous support for us and for all of your prayers. None of our adoptions would have been possible without your endless support, love, encouragment and prayers. We know that we are extremely blessed to have you in our lives!
Love
The Herren Family - David, Ashlynn, Kyler, Charlie & ????
The puzzle is perfectly named "Its a Zoo!"
A Perfect Picture of Open Adoption!
To me, this picture is such a beautiful example of an open adoption! To me, it doesn't get much sweeter than this. These flowers arrived for me on the Saturday before Mother's Day with a card wishing me a Happy Mother's Day. The reason it was so special was because they were from my son's birth family. My breath was taken away because I felt so unworthy. This is a day that I only get to celebrate because of them. I could go on forever, but the picture says it all!
Charlie's Adoption is Finalized!
Charlie is now legally ours! She always has been, but now the court acknowledges it! It was a great day! We are so thankful for our family to have joined us in celebrating this day!
Bye Bye Nummy Num
Today, April 14, 2012, Kyler said good-bye to his Nummy Num (pacifier). Thanks to my friend Sarah for the idea, we told Kyler the Nummy Num Fairy was coming to take his Nummies to share with a new baby. All week he has talked about the fairy coming and what he wanted as a special treat.
It is evening now and I am so proud of how well he has handled it. He loves his trains but I know he is trying so hard to be ok without his Nummies. My little baby is becoming a big boy. I know we have a long ways to go, but this was a big step today. :)
It is evening now and I am so proud of how well he has handled it. He loves his trains but I know he is trying so hard to be ok without his Nummies. My little baby is becoming a big boy. I know we have a long ways to go, but this was a big step today. :)
My favorite kind of date
Last night Dave and I got to go on a date that we haven't been on in a while. 1 1/2 years to be exact. One of our greatest dates actually has to do with the kids, well in a way. It started about 4 years ago when Dave and I would leave work early to attend monthly support meetings with the Adoption Center of San Diego. They are meetings held once a month to help with educating us in the adoption process and specifically open adoption. What we discovered is that it is one of our sweetest times. We grab a bite to eat at the Chili's located right in front of the hotel and just walk over to the meeting after. Sounds kind of lame, but I look forward to it every month!!!
For two hours we sit and get to listen to people's journeys and learn how they came to the decision of adoption, what the journey is like for them and intimate details of their adoptions. When a couple is finally matched and their baby is born, they share the entire journey with us and show off their little one. Again, I know to an outsider this sounds kinda different, but I want share how these meetings have changed Dave and I and really radicalized our hearts for adoption.
I can't help but to say that how don't see how it is possible to sit through these meetings and not acknowledge the presence of God. It is amazing to see how God sweetly choreographs each adoption and how He works out the details that no man could do. I know that God has used these meetings in my life to change my life and seek Him as Lord. What was so awesome about last night was that half of the room was families that we started with when we were in the process the first time. It is amazing to have heard their journeys the first time and then get to go through it again with all of them. I honestly wished I could have stayed for hours just catching up with them. So to those families, you know who you are, it is truly an honor to be a part of this with you. Each of your stories have impacted our lives! Thank you!
Dave and I feel so privileged to get to be a part of this process and build our family through adoption. It has been one of God's greatest blessings in our life! I will continue look forward to our little dates every month and enjoy these little treasures.
Here is a little picture in front of our Chilli's
For two hours we sit and get to listen to people's journeys and learn how they came to the decision of adoption, what the journey is like for them and intimate details of their adoptions. When a couple is finally matched and their baby is born, they share the entire journey with us and show off their little one. Again, I know to an outsider this sounds kinda different, but I want share how these meetings have changed Dave and I and really radicalized our hearts for adoption.
I can't help but to say that how don't see how it is possible to sit through these meetings and not acknowledge the presence of God. It is amazing to see how God sweetly choreographs each adoption and how He works out the details that no man could do. I know that God has used these meetings in my life to change my life and seek Him as Lord. What was so awesome about last night was that half of the room was families that we started with when we were in the process the first time. It is amazing to have heard their journeys the first time and then get to go through it again with all of them. I honestly wished I could have stayed for hours just catching up with them. So to those families, you know who you are, it is truly an honor to be a part of this with you. Each of your stories have impacted our lives! Thank you!
Dave and I feel so privileged to get to be a part of this process and build our family through adoption. It has been one of God's greatest blessings in our life! I will continue look forward to our little dates every month and enjoy these little treasures.
Here is a little picture in front of our Chilli's
Our first step in this process...
I thought it would be fun to show you some of our paperwork that we hand in as we proceed with the Adoption Center of San Diego. Normally paperwork is not fun, but we thoroughly enjoy it! Every facilitator and agency is different, but this is what is required of us.
Here is our Dear Birthmother letter. This is what is given to a woman that is wanting to place her baby for adoption. She picks which family she would like to raise her baby. This gives her the opportunity to pick a family that she likes and shares similar values to her. Now you can see that their is no waiting list, it is strictly when you are picked by a birth mother or birth family. So their is no specific wait time, it is when God says it is time.
Here is all of our paperwork before we packaged it up. Our life is written out on all of these pages. :) Now it is nicely tucked away in the mail!! Whooo Hooo!
Here is our Dear Birthmother letter. This is what is given to a woman that is wanting to place her baby for adoption. She picks which family she would like to raise her baby. This gives her the opportunity to pick a family that she likes and shares similar values to her. Now you can see that their is no waiting list, it is strictly when you are picked by a birth mother or birth family. So their is no specific wait time, it is when God says it is time.
Here is all of our paperwork before we packaged it up. Our life is written out on all of these pages. :) Now it is nicely tucked away in the mail!! Whooo Hooo!
Charlie's Adoption is almost finalized!! Almost!
Our final payment and paperwork for Charlie's adoption is done and in the mail!! Now we wait for our court finalization date!! Whoooo Hooo
Adoption...moving forward!
The day I drove Alaura to meet her new foster mom, I actually spoke to our previous adoption facilitator, Sarah from the Adoption Center of San Diego. That day I was so numb and filled with anxiety because I knew we were about to lose Alaura. However, speaking with Sarah, left me with so much peace and an element of excitement in the back of my mind. I told Dave it felt as if God gave me a little nugget to hold onto that day, to help alleviate the pain that was involved in it.
From that phone call on, Dave and I prayed about where God wanted us to move. We still knew we were going to adopt again, but we didn't necessarily believe it was through the foster-care system. We have been disheartened and have desperately missing the process of independent adoption. So a month has come and gone and we have continued to pray. Waiting to see where God directs us.
As Dave and I have prayed, I have reflected on some of my old posts about 100% trusting that God will provide. I continue to be amazed that we have been able to do one adoption, and then a 2nd and now to even be thinking about a 3rd!! I am just in awe! But as much as I didn't think it was possible to do a 3rd independent adoption, I just had to ask, "Lord do I trust you with everything?". My answer has to be yes!If I trust Him with my salvation, I have to trust Him with all of the details too. It brings me to the verse, "Everything in the heavens and earth is yours, O Lord, and this is your kingdom. We adore you as being in control of everything. Riches and honor come from you alone, and you are the Ruler of all mankind; your hand controls power and might and it is at your discretion that men are made great and given strength" -1 Chronicles 29-11-12
To be truthful, Dave and I have known for a few weeks that we were pursuing independent adoption again, but we just had to figure out how God wanted us to address obstacles that we had not been preparing for. However, we remain licensed foster/adoption home. For the last year, we have been dedicated to adoption through foster-care. But today, as we stepped out in faith, God showed up big time!! I literally was jumping in the living room thanking God! It is amazing to pray and just wait for God to answer back. We still have along way to go, but we know God will continue to provide.
Our paperwork is finished, our Dear Birthmother letter is written and our first check written. We are back in the game and now we wait to be chosen again by a woman who desires to place her baby for adoption. It could be today, it could be next year. But in all of it, we know God already knows! We couldn't be more excited!
From that phone call on, Dave and I prayed about where God wanted us to move. We still knew we were going to adopt again, but we didn't necessarily believe it was through the foster-care system. We have been disheartened and have desperately missing the process of independent adoption. So a month has come and gone and we have continued to pray. Waiting to see where God directs us.
As Dave and I have prayed, I have reflected on some of my old posts about 100% trusting that God will provide. I continue to be amazed that we have been able to do one adoption, and then a 2nd and now to even be thinking about a 3rd!! I am just in awe! But as much as I didn't think it was possible to do a 3rd independent adoption, I just had to ask, "Lord do I trust you with everything?". My answer has to be yes!If I trust Him with my salvation, I have to trust Him with all of the details too. It brings me to the verse, "Everything in the heavens and earth is yours, O Lord, and this is your kingdom. We adore you as being in control of everything. Riches and honor come from you alone, and you are the Ruler of all mankind; your hand controls power and might and it is at your discretion that men are made great and given strength" -1 Chronicles 29-11-12
To be truthful, Dave and I have known for a few weeks that we were pursuing independent adoption again, but we just had to figure out how God wanted us to address obstacles that we had not been preparing for. However, we remain licensed foster/adoption home. For the last year, we have been dedicated to adoption through foster-care. But today, as we stepped out in faith, God showed up big time!! I literally was jumping in the living room thanking God! It is amazing to pray and just wait for God to answer back. We still have along way to go, but we know God will continue to provide.
Our paperwork is finished, our Dear Birthmother letter is written and our first check written. We are back in the game and now we wait to be chosen again by a woman who desires to place her baby for adoption. It could be today, it could be next year. But in all of it, we know God already knows! We couldn't be more excited!
Delayed Reactions
So Dave and I have been praying a lot about which direction we are going to pursue to build our family again. We know we will adopt again and we are now confident with the route we will be pursing. I will save that for another post. But as Dave and I move forward, I finally started to really ache for our loss. I know our family will be ok. God willing, we have our family, we will continue to grow it, we love the Lord and our life will continue on. But knowing this, is what triggered my hurt for the loss of Alaura.
I think with the past month going by and us readjusting, I had a weight lifted off my shoulders. But as Dave and I have talked about adopting again my heart just ached for Alaura. I grieve for her unknown future. The lack of hope she has everyday. We will go on, but she will remain without family and the sense of being wanted. As upset as she could make me, I just keep remembering that underneath it all, she was just a little girl with a broken heart. And that just breaks my heart.
So last week I decided to contact her. I just needed her to know she is loved and being prayed for. That she is not forgotten. I just needed her to know she did make an impact and that we do believe in her. But most importantly God loves her and loves her more than anyone else could. That He so desires a relationship with her and that He will never fail her. "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8.
We now have open communication and we can chat back and forth. I have received some closure but it is so cool that God has not closed doors, but just opened a new one. I am still praying for God to direct this relationship, but I am sure He is not done!! Alaura, may not live with us anymore, but I am 100% sure that she has not left our lives! Our God is a God of restoration and He continues to amaze me!
I think with the past month going by and us readjusting, I had a weight lifted off my shoulders. But as Dave and I have talked about adopting again my heart just ached for Alaura. I grieve for her unknown future. The lack of hope she has everyday. We will go on, but she will remain without family and the sense of being wanted. As upset as she could make me, I just keep remembering that underneath it all, she was just a little girl with a broken heart. And that just breaks my heart.
So last week I decided to contact her. I just needed her to know she is loved and being prayed for. That she is not forgotten. I just needed her to know she did make an impact and that we do believe in her. But most importantly God loves her and loves her more than anyone else could. That He so desires a relationship with her and that He will never fail her. "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8.
We now have open communication and we can chat back and forth. I have received some closure but it is so cool that God has not closed doors, but just opened a new one. I am still praying for God to direct this relationship, but I am sure He is not done!! Alaura, may not live with us anymore, but I am 100% sure that she has not left our lives! Our God is a God of restoration and He continues to amaze me!
"I Can Count it All Joy!"
It has been a long time! I had to go back and read my last post to see where I left off. I realized the tone of that post was heavy hearted, grieved, and tired. This will explain why I have had no time to blog.
So here is where we are at...Alaura left our home earlier this month. February 6th to be exact. One day before her 16th birthday. I wept more on her birthday than I did the day I drove her to her knew foster home. It still breaks my heart to know she spent her birthday with people she didn't know, no gifts and not much hope. Along with that grief was a tremendous amount of anger. I was angry that she was only a few blocks away from birth family that promised so much to her while she was at our house, had left her again, alone.
Let me just back up for a moment. Alaura desperately wanted to be adopted and to belong. She wanted someone to claim her. However, as much as she wanted that for her life, she wanted all of this with her original birth family (understandably). I do believe she loved us, but she was clinging to the life she once knew, as dysfunctional as it was. Her normal was not our normal. She had no comprehension of what it meant to have a family that prayed together, loved one another and praised each other. She knew only dis function, inconsistency and fighting. Their was never a "honeymoon" period with her. She challenged everything we did, said and believed from the second she entered our car. Unfortunately, while all of this was going on, she started hearing from birth family and family friends that said they would have taken her or adopted her if we didn't. So we weren't just battling Alaura, our foster care system, but now birth family and friends who would not allow her an opportunity to let go of her past and move on. She clung to the empty promises that she desperately wanted to be true. It was so heartbreaking and angering to watch.
Dave and I have never been more close than we were while Alaura was with us. We had to be because we were being tested to the core. We were mentally and physically exhausted! I never wanted to share too much because I didn't want others to know or necessarily judge. I will always remember that this past Christmas was one of the most trying times of our life to date. HOWEVER, God was in it. God used this situation to reveal my heart. To show me areas that I had work to do. To bring to light areas of my walk with the Lord that needed to be refined. I know that God brought Alaura into our lives to test our faith and to live out our faith in Him.Did our lives really live out what our mouths proclaimed we believed? I know in many ways I failed, but I know God did not. I learned what it meant to truly "trust in the Lord in All my ways" Proverbs 3:6 His will was done.
With all of this said, the question I get the most is this, "was it our choice or hers?" To be transparent with you, it was both. She continued to say she just didn't know if this was God really wanted her and agreed that she would leave if she had the chance to go back with family. On our end, we finally had to let her go pursue that life again. We couldn't keep drowning our entire family to save one that didn't necessarily want to be saved.
We poured Jesus into her and God promises that His word will not return void. We no longer are in contact with Alaura, but I do check in on her Facebook from time to time to see how she is doing. This is not a good idea because as a mother I just want to shake her. However, we do believe that someday we will hear from her again. We know that we gave her every ounce of ourselves and she knew that. She will always play a major role in our family, even if she was only here for a couple of months. I continue to pray for her and my heart will always have a place for her. She was our daughter, even if only a moment.
One last thing, Alaura gave me a glimpse of the importance of us pouring love into our kids. Through time, discipline, structure and saying no. Without it, we are FAILING our children. To know that Alaura is just one of tens of thousands, just takes my breath away. Through her I realized my importance of my role as a mother. What is really at stake. So with all of the heartache and pain, "I can count it all joy" James 5:11!
So here is where we are at...Alaura left our home earlier this month. February 6th to be exact. One day before her 16th birthday. I wept more on her birthday than I did the day I drove her to her knew foster home. It still breaks my heart to know she spent her birthday with people she didn't know, no gifts and not much hope. Along with that grief was a tremendous amount of anger. I was angry that she was only a few blocks away from birth family that promised so much to her while she was at our house, had left her again, alone.
Let me just back up for a moment. Alaura desperately wanted to be adopted and to belong. She wanted someone to claim her. However, as much as she wanted that for her life, she wanted all of this with her original birth family (understandably). I do believe she loved us, but she was clinging to the life she once knew, as dysfunctional as it was. Her normal was not our normal. She had no comprehension of what it meant to have a family that prayed together, loved one another and praised each other. She knew only dis function, inconsistency and fighting. Their was never a "honeymoon" period with her. She challenged everything we did, said and believed from the second she entered our car. Unfortunately, while all of this was going on, she started hearing from birth family and family friends that said they would have taken her or adopted her if we didn't. So we weren't just battling Alaura, our foster care system, but now birth family and friends who would not allow her an opportunity to let go of her past and move on. She clung to the empty promises that she desperately wanted to be true. It was so heartbreaking and angering to watch.
Dave and I have never been more close than we were while Alaura was with us. We had to be because we were being tested to the core. We were mentally and physically exhausted! I never wanted to share too much because I didn't want others to know or necessarily judge. I will always remember that this past Christmas was one of the most trying times of our life to date. HOWEVER, God was in it. God used this situation to reveal my heart. To show me areas that I had work to do. To bring to light areas of my walk with the Lord that needed to be refined. I know that God brought Alaura into our lives to test our faith and to live out our faith in Him.Did our lives really live out what our mouths proclaimed we believed? I know in many ways I failed, but I know God did not. I learned what it meant to truly "trust in the Lord in All my ways" Proverbs 3:6 His will was done.
With all of this said, the question I get the most is this, "was it our choice or hers?" To be transparent with you, it was both. She continued to say she just didn't know if this was God really wanted her and agreed that she would leave if she had the chance to go back with family. On our end, we finally had to let her go pursue that life again. We couldn't keep drowning our entire family to save one that didn't necessarily want to be saved.
We poured Jesus into her and God promises that His word will not return void. We no longer are in contact with Alaura, but I do check in on her Facebook from time to time to see how she is doing. This is not a good idea because as a mother I just want to shake her. However, we do believe that someday we will hear from her again. We know that we gave her every ounce of ourselves and she knew that. She will always play a major role in our family, even if she was only here for a couple of months. I continue to pray for her and my heart will always have a place for her. She was our daughter, even if only a moment.
One last thing, Alaura gave me a glimpse of the importance of us pouring love into our kids. Through time, discipline, structure and saying no. Without it, we are FAILING our children. To know that Alaura is just one of tens of thousands, just takes my breath away. Through her I realized my importance of my role as a mother. What is really at stake. So with all of the heartache and pain, "I can count it all joy" James 5:11!
Happy New Year!...My hope is for this year
For the last 3 or 4 years, my New Years resolution has been to be unrecognizable than the previous year. I am not talking about physically (although it would be nice to lose weight and get in shape), but that my heart and life would be unrecognizable to myself. What I mean is that every year I pray that I would love God more and I would be more willing to live for Him than the previous year. I want to reflect back on the year and see that I loved God more than I did the year before or that my faith is more in tact than the previous year. Yesterday when I went to church, the entire message was about this particular resolution! I felt as if God custom designed the message for what was on my heart. So cool!
Last year I remember starting off the year with this same desire and I never would have fathomed that our life would look like it does. God heard our prayers!! But building faith and character don't come without a struggle. I want to share where I am at right now. Dave and I are in the struggle of our life to date. Our days are long, trying and exhausting. We no longer make plans for the weekend or even a few days ahead. We can't! We can hardly see what our evenings look like. God simply wants us in the moment we are in. I just keep playing this verse back in my head "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Mathew 6:34 I honestly feel like I am stuck in the middle of a tunnel and not moving. All the while just praying for God to continue to work and to show us a light at the end. Unfortunately, right now we have no light at the end of the tunnel. We only have our faith that God is at work and we are to just trust that He is in control! The only way I make it through each day is that I know God we are in God's will. God has been so awesome to place a couple of really awesome Christian people in our lives to coach us through each day. To feed us scripture and to just pick us up when we don't see how we can go on like this.
Just so I can lay it all out for you, I am a little grieved right now. I know that may sound horrible! I am missing my time with Dave and the babies. I miss the comfort of knowing what my days looked like. But God is not in the business of making us comfortable. My hope is not in this world and I have to remind myself that our comfort is not worth a girl's life. I know I don't want to live a comfortable, faithless, life.
Thank you Marsha..."Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing!"Isaiah 43:18-19 We shared this verse with Alaura shortly after she moved in, but I am coming to realize that this verse isn't just for her....it is what I need right now. I am ever so slowly letting go of the life I knew and clinging to the hope that only Jesus can offer. He is ultimately in control and knows every struggle we have and will endure.
With all of the said, I really am hopeful of what this year has. I know this was not an uplifting, motivational post for the new year. But this year is full of new opportunities, growth and challenges. At this rate I am praying I don't age 100 years by next Christmas. haha :) I am looking forward to reflecting on what God has done, next year.
I want to wish my friends and family a Happy New Year! May you find delight in His peace and hope!!
Last year I remember starting off the year with this same desire and I never would have fathomed that our life would look like it does. God heard our prayers!! But building faith and character don't come without a struggle. I want to share where I am at right now. Dave and I are in the struggle of our life to date. Our days are long, trying and exhausting. We no longer make plans for the weekend or even a few days ahead. We can't! We can hardly see what our evenings look like. God simply wants us in the moment we are in. I just keep playing this verse back in my head "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Mathew 6:34 I honestly feel like I am stuck in the middle of a tunnel and not moving. All the while just praying for God to continue to work and to show us a light at the end. Unfortunately, right now we have no light at the end of the tunnel. We only have our faith that God is at work and we are to just trust that He is in control! The only way I make it through each day is that I know God we are in God's will. God has been so awesome to place a couple of really awesome Christian people in our lives to coach us through each day. To feed us scripture and to just pick us up when we don't see how we can go on like this.
Just so I can lay it all out for you, I am a little grieved right now. I know that may sound horrible! I am missing my time with Dave and the babies. I miss the comfort of knowing what my days looked like. But God is not in the business of making us comfortable. My hope is not in this world and I have to remind myself that our comfort is not worth a girl's life. I know I don't want to live a comfortable, faithless, life.
Thank you Marsha..."Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing!"Isaiah 43:18-19 We shared this verse with Alaura shortly after she moved in, but I am coming to realize that this verse isn't just for her....it is what I need right now. I am ever so slowly letting go of the life I knew and clinging to the hope that only Jesus can offer. He is ultimately in control and knows every struggle we have and will endure.
With all of the said, I really am hopeful of what this year has. I know this was not an uplifting, motivational post for the new year. But this year is full of new opportunities, growth and challenges. At this rate I am praying I don't age 100 years by next Christmas. haha :) I am looking forward to reflecting on what God has done, next year.
I want to wish my friends and family a Happy New Year! May you find delight in His peace and hope!!
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