Happy New Year!...My hope is for this year

For the last 3 or 4 years, my New Years resolution has been to be unrecognizable than the previous year. I am not talking about physically (although it would be nice to lose weight and get in shape), but that my heart and life would be unrecognizable to myself. What I mean is that every year I pray that I would love God more and I would be more willing to live for Him than the previous year. I want to reflect back on the year and see that I loved God more than I did the year before or that my faith is more in tact than the previous year. Yesterday when I went to church, the entire message was about this particular resolution! I felt as if God custom designed the message for what was on my heart. So cool!

Last year I remember starting off the year with this same desire and I never would have fathomed that our life would look like it does. God heard our prayers!! But building faith and character don't come without a struggle. I want to share where I am at right now. Dave and I are in the struggle of our life to date. Our days are long, trying and exhausting. We no longer make plans for the weekend or even a few days ahead. We can't! We can hardly see what our evenings look like. God simply wants us in the moment we are in. I just keep playing this verse back in my head "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Mathew 6:34 I honestly feel like I am stuck in the middle of a tunnel and not moving. All the while just praying for God to continue to work and to show us a light at the end. Unfortunately, right now we have no light at the end of the tunnel. We only have our faith that God is at work and we are to just trust that He is in control! The only way I make it through each day is that I know God we are in God's will. God has been so awesome to place a couple of really awesome Christian people in our lives to coach us through each day. To feed us scripture and to just pick us up when we don't see how we can go on like this.

Just so I can lay it all out for you, I am a little grieved right now. I know that may sound horrible! I am missing my time with Dave and the babies. I miss the comfort of knowing what my days looked like. But God is not in the business of making us comfortable. My hope is not in this world and I have to remind myself that our comfort is not worth a girl's life. I know I don't want to live a comfortable, faithless, life.

Thank you Marsha..."Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing!"Isaiah 43:18-19 We shared this verse with Alaura shortly after she moved in, but I am coming to realize that this verse isn't just for her....it is what I need right now. I am ever so slowly letting go of the life I knew and clinging to the hope that only Jesus can offer. He is ultimately in control and knows every struggle we have and will endure.

With all of the said, I really am hopeful of what this year has. I know this was not an uplifting, motivational post for the new year. But this year is full of new opportunities, growth and challenges. At this rate I am praying I don't age 100 years by next Christmas. haha :) I am looking forward to reflecting on what God has done, next year.

I want to wish my friends and family a Happy New Year! May you find delight in His peace and hope!!