Happy 4th Birthday Kyler James

I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him.1 Samuel 1:27

 

Happy 4th Birthday Kyler James!!

 

Four years ago our precious miracle was born and we didn't even know it. I reminisce on this day with such overwhelming joy my heart could burst. We actually didn't learn about our little 4lb 2oz boy until the day after he was born. Dave and I often talk about the call that changed our world. Yes, one phone call!! We were drinking our coffee together and just about to leave for church when Sarah from the Adoption Center of San Diego called us to tell us we had been matched and that the biggest surprise of it all was that he was already here!!! I can remember that day with such clarity and pure joy.

 

Two weeks prior to this phone call, we had another phone call that actually ended a match with another birthmother and baby. With this match we had actually visited with the birthmother a few times, spent the day with her and even went to an ultrasound with her. But in our gut, something wasn't right. As much as everything seemed like it was going smoothly, that particular adoption fell through 4 years ago on Mother's Day. To say we were devastated was accurate. We had no idea if anyone would pick us again, if we would ever get matched again and just so grieved that we no longer had a baby. But during that time, God revealed to me how my heart wasn't right. I was so convicted in a particular area of my life that I understood why that baby wasn't for us. God used that time to show me areas I needed to work on, and guess what, 2 weeks later, Kyler was here!!!

 

We didn't actually ever meet Kyler  until about a week after he was born and got to take him home from the hospital. Many things went on that week while Kyler was in the NICU, but the entire week, we had such a peace knowing God had 100% control and that He was going to take care of the details.  But when we finally got to hold and see our precious blessing, nothing in the world mattered. I can whole heartedly tell you that whether I carried him, or another woman did, their was absolutely no difference in our eyes. WE have adored and loved our boy from that day forward.

 

 

We are beyond proud of our smart, sensitive playful little sweet boy! We are thankful for his birthparents who made the ultimate sacrifice on his behalf. My eyes will always tear up when I think of the love that they showed him, by allowing us to parent. We can't imagine our lives without him. In fact, I don't know what we did before he was ever born. Our lives are fuller and richer because of all of our children. I can say that Dave and I are more than blessed!

 

Here are just a couple of pictures from our 1st day with Kyler

 

 

 

 

A year ago today

A year ago today, I drove Alaura back to foster care. Its hard to think that she was with us a year ago. I feel like so much time has gone by and so much life has happened. I'll never forget the sea of emotions that took place that day. I was grieving the loss of her, her future, her birthday surprise that was to happen the next day and also the time I had lost with my babies because all focus went to her. But with all those emotions going on, I was almost numb as I drove for 45 minutes, her sitting next to me and our car full of everything she owned. It wasn't fair. Her life wasn't fair. And then remember that their are 1000s more like her in foster care. The battle is overwhelming.  During this time God taught me a HUGE lesson. I was completely humbled to the core. I remember feeling so judged, like I failed as a Christian, failed as a mother, failed as a wife, failed as a foster mom. I literally felt as if all I had stood for, I had failed. It has taken time to recover from that feeling of failure.  I know that is not what God desired for me and that all of this happened for a purpose and  "that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose" Romans 8:28 I do believe that God can restore Alaura's life and bring her healing. We as a family, pray for that transformation in her life.

As I look back on those months she was with us, I reflect on the many gifts that we were blessed with. Along with family, one of the many gifts we received during that time were gifts of mentors. We were blessed with friendships that truly nourished us as parents and educators. Without these mentors, we wouldn't have lasted a day. They were so encouraging and spent hours on the phone with us to help us walk through different situations.   I am eternally grateful for Marsha Patick, Sandra Antonelli and Brittany Keeley. These women blow my mind with their wisdom and God fearing faith. My hope is that someday, I may offer someone they same encouragement and wisdom that they offered us. God used Alaura to break me to the core and then seek Godly council that taught me far more than I ever thought I needed. So today as I remember Alaura, I can't help but remember my dear friends who poured their lives into us.

I often wonder why God had us only experience foster/ adoption for a short while only to bring us back to independent adoption. I may not ever know the full answer. But I do know that Alaura forever changed our family and brought us to a dependency on the Lord that we had never experienced. Without her, we would have not had that. She taught us so much in such a short time and for that, I am truly thankful and humbled. She turns 17 tomorrow and I wonder if she will ever know how much we did and do love her? I wonder if she will even remember this time last year. I wonder if she has even given us a second thought. But most of all, my hope is that someday she truly knows how much the God who created her, loves her and pursues her.

Visiting Faith for the first time in the hospital!!

 

MOPS Baby Shower

My MOPS table at Calvary Chapel Chino Hills decided to bless me with a baby shower for Faith a couple weeks before she arrived. They blew me away with their creativity and cooking abilities! They are very amazing women and I just grow to love them more and more. It was such a special day and our entire family was touched by their thoughtfulnes and generosity!

Happy New Year!! It is time for change!!

I know this post is a little late, but I wanted to wish you and your families a very blessed new year! Over the last few weeks I have been thinking about ways I hope to grow in 2013 and areas I would like to improve, which are many. Dave and I were discussing the year that was behind us and reflecting how 2012 wasn't the greatest of years. It wasn't bad, but it was a year of so many ups and downs. We started off the year in turmoil, trusting God, but definatly in battle. I think it took much of the year to truly recover from the hurt that we had experienced. We had many blessings but I was disappointed in my person and my lack of growth.If I have failed you personally, I am sorry.  I decided to write very specific goals down for us, myself and our family so we can be more focused in God's plan for us this year. I was sharing with Dave that at any job we do goal reviews and look at areas that need improvement, so why don't we do it with our family? Afterall, our family and children are far more important than any job ( no offense HP).  Without getting into any of those goals, my deapest prayer is to not be the same person at the end of this year. I want my heart changed. I want to be a more dedicated mother and wife. I don't want to be content with my walk with the Lord and settle on contentment. I want to look back on the year and be amazed on how God is working and the work He has done in our lives. I am scared as I ask this and write it down because I know God will be faithful to do work if we don't get in the way.

Let me share with you a little how quickly God moves on these types of prayers. Last week (the first week of the new year) had been a crazy one and I was wondering what had caused the week to fly by and why it had been such an emotional roller coaster. I realized God was already answering my heart's prayers for our family.  In just 5 days sooo much had occurred! Kyler met his biological siblings for the first time and we visited with his birthparents. God reveals the areas of my heart that need changing every time with these types of situations.  My precious friend, Brenda, informed me she had lost her unborn baby. Brenda is a dear friend that we have shared hearts for adoption and grown as Christians together. She is an incredible mother of two boys that she was blessed with by adoption and then the lord blessed her unexpectedly with a biological baby. Unfortunately, this baby went home to be with the Lord. We don't know why these things happen but we know that the Lord's ways our higher than ours But my heart aches for her loss. Then on Thursday our family went to say good-bye to our dear friends Rocky and Jacque who were moving out of state. They have been a tremendous blessing to us and we have been heartbroken by them leaving but it is truly amazing to see what God is doing in this family's life. They are a force to be reckoned with and an example of what God calls us to be. Lastly, on Saturday we spent most of the day with Charlie's birth family celebrating a late Christmas and just catching up with them.

The reason I am writing these occurrences down is normally I wouldn't think anything of the week and just move on to the next.  But as I write them down I am seeing the areas God needs me to be still, be thankful, examine my heart, love when I don't feel like it, trust and pray more. I would have missed what God was teaching us if I didn't reflect on what He is doing.  Honestly, most of these events last week I would not have chosen to fill up my day with. But this is what God gave us, not to just keep us busy, but to grow us.  So you could really look at all this and realize how much work God has to do in my life. But I am thankful for Philippians 1:6 "being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ."

I pray that you all have life changing years and that this will be a year of growth for all of us. I look forward to spending this year with you! Happy New Year!!