A new found appreciation for parenting

I am writing this really early Thanksgiving AM and I am sure their are tons of grammatical errors...

Right now we are really being challenged. This challenge has given me a new appreciation for parents and more importantly Godly parents. When I mean challenged is that right now Alaura feels the need to share every horrible situation she has encountered, experienced or done. We know it is an attempt to see if we are going to budge, react, think less of her or for just simple shock value. I knew we were going to go through this, but I honestly thought she would wait a few weeks before it started. But why not get it out now?!!!

What I am learning through all of these random discussions is the importance of parenting. Parents have such a huge impact on their children. We have an opportunity to build, encourage and instruct our children. Yet we can also break down, traumatize and hurt our children so badly that it is forever encrypted in their little minds. Just listening to Alaura, I can't fathom her life. I can't fathom how Dave and I can restore it or her broken heart. And I am thankful we don't have to. Although it can be hard for us to see now, we know that God can do all things! We have seen God working in just these few days. I have been clinging to His little tokens He has bestowed on us these last few days. Tokens that say "I am here and I am working".

(One little sweet moment was when we took her to her favorite store Forever 21 and we had her pick out a shirt for us to buy. Well, if you have been in this store you know their is a lot of clothing that is questionable. But out of all of the 100s of shirts she picked a shirt with a bible verse on it. I know it was to please us, but I had to thank God that right their He showed us that I am here, give Me control! Her desire to know God is great, it is our job to teach her His ways!)

I have always been in tune that my decisions and choices will effect my children, but now that I have a teenage girl tuned into my life to see if I am legit, I am on my knees humbled! God has revealed so much about me that I don't like. By placing Alaura in our home, God has taken my blinders off and showing me areas that are not pleasing to Him. I am sensing an urgency to let sin go in my life. We are trying to show her the love of Jesus and our lives have to reflect it in EVERY aspect!

This week this verse has just been on my heart and at the forefront of my mind..."Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: Psalm 139:23

My prayer is that in our home and yours, we would seek for God to guide us in our parenting and train our children the way God designed. Our impact is huge and the job is too great for us to carry by ourselves!! Their future depends on it!

A week with a teenager

So I have had so many things to post and no time to do it!! So I just wanted to share that we have Alaura moved in to her new room and the kids are now sharing a room. I could post on how the transition has been with Kyler and Charlie alone, but I can't right now. Thiw week I feel like Dave and I have lived lifetimes!!! And it is only Wednesday!! But it is undeniable that God is at work. God has revealed so many things to me that I really don't like about myself and areas that I really need to work on. On the other hand, God has done amazing work in Dave!! I am in awe and amazed at how well Dave has been with having a teenage daughter! He has been clear, concise, stern and loving. I just can't believe how well Dave has taken to his new role of dad to a teenage girl. Alaura really adores him and it is so obvious that she will grow to be a total daddy's girl! It is my true honor to have him as the leader of our home!

We are all adjusting to this new life and it is going to take a lot of prayer and love to make it all work. But most of all, we are just seeking God in all of it!! Our top priority right now is building her up and showing her that their is a life of ultimate joy with Christ! That hope can exist and that she can love without fear. Our big obstacle is revealing her worth to her. That God and our family love her, that we are not going to leave and that this is not just temporary. It breaks my heart that this is even an issue. Unfortunately, with Thanksgiving here many people are on vacation so we haven't been able to fill out paperwork. If it doesn't get done by today, we will have to return her on Sunday to go back to school. We are praying that this doesn't have to happen. Alaura is so worried about going back to her foster home. She actually has a great foster mom, but her desire to be a part of a family is great!! We have seen so much progress in this short week and we really don't want to take steps back. But if she has to go back, Dave and I will continue to fight to get her back as soon as possible. We just take one battle at a time!!

I really want to apologize to my friends and family if I have hurt you by not returning calls or emails. You are in my heart and mind, but I have to make sure my time is at home right now. I love you and covet your prayers. I want to wish you all a beautiful Thanksgiving!! Our God is mighty and we have so much to be thankful for! I look forward to catching up with all of you soon. I know you all have so much going on in your lives and I want to know all about it too!

Here is a picture she took of herself. It is a big step because she is showing teeth. :) She doesn't like to smile showing her teeth. Baby steps. Check out those dimples!

Buildiing our family through adoption - AGAIN

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts" Isaiah 55:8-9

God really has a different plan than what ours is. So let me share a little of what is goin on in our home. Well, a couple of weeks ago I attended an adoption picnic. This picnic was held by California Kids Connection where they actually bring the kids to the picnic so that we can have a chance to meet them and see some of the kids that are presently waiting for a permanent home. Although the kids are typically, older, larger sibling sets, or harder to place, our social worker asked if we would like to attend. At first I was hesitant because I really didn't think we would find a child that fit within Dave and I's "criteria". I opted to attend because I really thought it would be good to go. I will be honest, we haven't enjoyed this adoption process as much as we have enjoyed the past ones. But for the time being, we felt like this was where God led us. I really felt that I needed to go to the picnic to have the Lord break my heart and remember why we are in this process. It is for the children!!! And God calls us to take care of His children! I needed to see the faces so I could remember why we are in this particular battle. I needed to see the faces that our God loves so dearly and what we may see as hopeless situations is actually redeemable by our Lord.

Unfortunately Dave did not get to attend the picnic because he was out of town for work. I began to pray and asked others to pray before I went to this picnic. I knew I would have a hard time because as much as I would like to say we can take them all, we know that is just not possible. So I just kept reminding myself, that our God loves them more than we do and He is caring for them.

I could go in great detail as to what it was like at the picnic, but that would take forever. Their will be faces that I never forget and heartache among certain children that I will never forget. But I think that is a good thing as God continues to work in me and aligning my heart with His!! Well, as the picnic went on we were asked to interact with as many children as possible so they had a memorable experience and that maybe even for a short time, they forgot they were in a system, but rather just kids hanging out at a park. While I interacted with different kids, I will be honest with you, I was looking at the younger ones or who would look like they fit best in our home. At one point, I had to step away to recompose myself. It is a tough situation to see all of these children that are without families! As I was walking back to the picnic, I noticed a girl sitting on the outskirts of the picnic all alone. I could tell she was part of the group, but not. She sat so sweetly holding her purse. I could tell she had gotten all ready for the event but felt uncomfortable. I decided I would be "polite" and go say hi. What I didn't expect was what happened next. God drew me to her. I was just going to be polite, but I was captivated by her sincerity and sweet soul. She started asking me a ton of questions about what type of child we wanted to adopt and if we would consider an older child. I sat their and answered questions that NO child should ever have to ask. She was searching for someone to want her. As we talked I kept thinking "but we can't do a child this old. It wouldn't work. 15 isn't what we signed up for? Dave will never go for it." All these things kept running through my head, but then I kept talking to her and thinking but God, she is yours. You don't see her age as a hindrance. She is your precious little girl, so are we willing to step out of our comfort zone to give her a basic need of a family? Our we willing to let go of what we see as normal, to seek what God desires?

Later after the picnic, I couldn't wait to tell Dave all about the picnic. I told him a few stories about a few of the kids, but the one I couldn't wait to tell him about was Alaura. I wept as I told him I knew I sounded crazy for considering it, but how do you say no? She was not close to any of our criteria, but if we 100% trust God, then we needed to see if this was His will. Now please know, that as Dave and I have discussed this we know we are far from wonderful parents. We have a lot to learn. But we also know that we can offer her a hope and a future in our Lord Jesus Christ that far surpasses all of our short comings. We know He will equip us as parents for a 15 year old. As we have prayed, we have asked God to close the doors if she is not ours, but if she is, to give us a peace that surpasses all understand that only God can provide. God has done this over and over!

Well, we were matched!! Which means, we will proceed forward to transition her to our family our family over the next few week, if that is something she wants. A social worker is going to meet with her once more to make sure that is what she really wants. How long this will take, probably a few weeks. We just don't know, but we are really seeking for God's perfect timing. We are scared, excited and don't even know what we are getting into, but trusting that this is God's will and He will guide us.

So now that you have read all this, you can see why this verse just reigns true!! What we thought best, was not what God's plans were at all. His plans far exceeded our desires! His thoughts are so much higher than ours!! We are humbled and amazed! We will keep you posted.

Excitedly waiting on what God does next!!!