A year ago today, I drove Alaura back to foster care. Its hard to think that she was with us a year ago. I feel like so much time has gone by and so much life has happened. I'll never forget the sea of emotions that took place that day. I was grieving the loss of her, her future, her birthday surprise that was to happen the next day and also the time I had lost with my babies because all focus went to her. But with all those emotions going on, I was almost numb as I drove for 45 minutes, her sitting next to me and our car full of everything she owned. It wasn't fair. Her life wasn't fair. And then remember that their are 1000s more like her in foster care. The battle is overwhelming. During this time God taught me a HUGE lesson. I was completely humbled to the core. I remember feeling so judged, like I failed as a Christian, failed as a mother, failed as a wife, failed as a foster mom. I literally felt as if all I had stood for, I had failed. It has taken time to recover from that feeling of failure. I know that is not what God desired for me and that all of this happened for a purpose and "that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose" Romans 8:28 I do believe that God can restore Alaura's life and bring her healing. We as a family, pray for that transformation in her life.
As I look back on those months she was with us, I reflect on the many gifts that we were blessed with. Along with family, one of the many gifts we received during that time were gifts of mentors. We were blessed with friendships that truly nourished us as parents and educators. Without these mentors, we wouldn't have lasted a day. They were so encouraging and spent hours on the phone with us to help us walk through different situations. I am eternally grateful for Marsha Patick, Sandra Antonelli and Brittany Keeley. These women blow my mind with their wisdom and God fearing faith. My hope is that someday, I may offer someone they same encouragement and wisdom that they offered us. God used Alaura to break me to the core and then seek Godly council that taught me far more than I ever thought I needed. So today as I remember Alaura, I can't help but remember my dear friends who poured their lives into us.
I often wonder why God had us only experience foster/ adoption for a short while only to bring us back to independent adoption. I may not ever know the full answer. But I do know that Alaura forever changed our family and brought us to a dependency on the Lord that we had never experienced. Without her, we would have not had that. She taught us so much in such a short time and for that, I am truly thankful and humbled. She turns 17 tomorrow and I wonder if she will ever know how much we did and do love her? I wonder if she will even remember this time last year. I wonder if she has even given us a second thought. But most of all, my hope is that someday she truly knows how much the God who created her, loves her and pursues her.
